Monday, August 29, 2016

Worst to Best: James Bond Songs

Making ranked lists is tool used by exceptionally lazy bloggers.  I know that, and wanted to acknowledge it right up front, lest anyone accuse me of feeling as though I'm reinventing the wheel with this particular post.
  
I'm under no such illusions.  The fact is that I just like making a list every once in a while, and if it's a ranked list, all the better.  
  
Now, having finished reviewing all of the Bond movies, I think I will turn my attentions to doing a series of Worst-to-Best lists.  Seems like fun, right?  Yeah, sure it does!  We're going to start with one examining the Bond-movie songs, and I mean ALL of them; hopefully, I've not managed to somehow forget one.
  
In deciding what counted as a "Bond song," I used a set of loose criteria, and I thought it might be worthwhile to comment on that a bit before we proceed.
  
  • Non-EON productions -- Casino Royale and Never Say Never Again -- are included.  How could they not be?  Those are Bond movies, and they have original songs in them.  End of story.
  • There are a few "official" cover versions of theme songs, including the source-music version of "Live and Let Die" performed by B.J. Arnau and the demo version of "Goldfinger" performed by Anthony Newley.  I included both, because they received official Bond-soundtrack releases, and also because they are individuated sufficiently to be worth my time to treat them individually.  With Dr. No, I both did and didn't do the same thing.  The charge: inconsistency.  My plea: guilty.
  • As many Bond fans know, there are a great many rejected would-be Bond songs out there, ranging from Johnny Cash's "Thunderball" to Radiohead's "Spectre."  I have included a small handful of these, but only when they were composed and/or performed by artists whose other Bond credentials are sufficient to make these rejected songs the genuine article in a de facto sense.  I'll speak about my thought process when we get to each, but if you wonder why I've included them and not the Cash and Radiohead songs (or Alice Cooper, Blondie, Ace Of Base, etc.), know that it isn't because I'm unaware of them; it's because I've determined they don't belong on this particular list.
  • No instrumentals have been included.  So whereas the James Bond Theme is unquestionably the pinnacle of Bond music, if not the pinnacle of culture in the entirety of the Virgo supercluster, you won't see it at #1 on this list: I don't consider it to be a song.  Nor do the credit-sequence themes for From Russia With Love or On Her Majesty's Secret Service have spots here.  There will be a later list that deals with the scores, and rest assured that those pieces WILL be present there.
  • There are a decent number of minor songs on the list, and in some cases they were barely used in the movie.  However, if they (A) were in the movie, no matter how briefly, (B) were written expressly for the film, and (C) appeared on the soundtrack albums, then they are included here.
  • Songs not written for the movie -- "California Girls" and "London Calling," for example -- are not included.  For this reason, "Kingston Calypso" from Dr. No -- which relies heavily on "Three Blind Mice" -- has been omitted.
  • Cover versions -- such as the ones recorded for the David Arnold album Shaken & Stirred -- have not been included unless (as previously mentioned) they were performed expressly for one of the movies.
  • Songs written for Bond video games and books were not considered.  I considered considering them, but opted to not to.
  
By the time all of those thoughts were thinked, I had a list of 47 songs.  We will start at the bottom and work our way forward, but first, I present to you some images I stole after Googling "James Bond songs."




What?


Well, there's ONE way for Spectre to have been worse...

And now...